The cost of being single.

When I have had a few drinks I sometimes generally bemoan the fact that I am single and fool myself that I can't understand why.  When I am sober, I know why I am single.

I have no problem being single, after all I have had enough time to get used to it, but I do hate the fact that I have to pay more for things.

For living alone I receive a 25% discount on my Council Tax meaning that I pay 75%, compare this to the house opposite with 5 adults in it.  They use the same services yet would pay only 20% of the cost each. (Bring back the Poll Tax!).

The cost of the TV licence would be the same regardless of the number of occupants as would the broadband and cable subscriptions.  The electricity bill and water rates I am guessing would not change much either.

Aside from household expenses, I am unable to book holidays through travel agents as most are based on at least two sharing, single supplements can sometimes double the basic cost.  Some well known caravan sites will not take single person bookings, I am 45 years old, I am not going to wreak havoc!

Special offers on meals out, both in this country and abroad, are usually 2 for 1.  I have in the past hung around on the off chance that there will be another person looking to save a few bob.

At the work's Christmas party last year, whilst the tickets were per person, the rooms cost £100 including breakfast, this meant that I paid the same for my single occupancy and breakfast as the couple in the next room who would have had 2 breakfasts.

There are more examples, but I think you get the drift.  Every other demographic of the population seems to demand equality.  Where is the equality for Singletons?

Who's on your freebie list?

Being chronically single I have no need of a freebie list, everyone is a fantasy, but in a typical Friday afternoon type conversation, the topic came up in the office today.

Emma Watson seems to be top of the lost for the males of the department.

One of temps announced that she was supposed to be in his year at Cambridge, but chose to go to Brown instead, then stared wistfully off into the distance for a while.

Other contenders were Angelina Jolie, Kylie Minogue and Cameron Diaz.

Us girls definitely had a longer list!

Nathan Fillion, more so in Firefly/Serenity than Castle.

Alan Rickman, but only as Severus Snape or The Sheriff of Nottingham.

Jimmy Nail, Dennis Waterman - these were the guilty pleasures of the older lady (me).

Jason Statham and Bruce Willis also made the cut.

Do you and your partner have a freebie list?

Who made yours?

Another Christmas as a single woman.

Every year I say that 'this is going to be last Christmas and New Year as a single woman', and every year it isn't.

I watch everyone worrying about what to buy partners, children, the world and I wonder why people seem to make such a big thing about this time of year, why do they get into debt to buy presents, why the panic about not being able to get cranberry sauce?

Would I be like that if I wasn't single?

I'm guessing I will never find out as I am never going to be anything but single.

I leave the house for work, college and holidays and that is it.  Thanks to my medication, going to work and college is no longer an issue, leaving the house to go on holiday is still a struggle.

And when I do get out, I always holiday in the same place, and much as I love my time there, (if I get there, I have booked hotels and not used them) I know everyone, and I am never going to meet anyone.

I have tried online dating, it wasn't successful.  Although that is probably a good thing as I would have had to force myself to leave the house to meet up.

I do get annoyed when I hear people complaining about being single for weeks or months.  Try 43 years!

Whilst I was looking for a suitable illustration for this post, I came across this item from The Mirror, it's a Christmas survival guide for singles. 

1. More money to spend on yourself - yep, bought myself a new duvet and pillows, boots and smellies.
2. Don't be the only single person at the party - what's a party?
3. Go for a winter escape - I was intending to, but outside forces (I shan't say what) put paid to that idea.
4. Fill your time - I'm working most of Christmas and have no-one local to meet up with anyway.
5. Catch up with family - I see Mum and Dad every day, I have no brothers and sisters.

Bah Humbug!

Eating alone? I never had a problem with that.

I never had a problem walking into a restaurant or pub and asking for a table for one when I used to be able to leave the house, still don't when I am out of the county or country (that sounds a bit of a contradiction, but there is a post coming shortly that will explain all).  After all, back then, as it is now, it was always a case of go on my own, or don't go at all.

But apparently others felt there was a bit of stigma to dining alone, or at least according to the people spoken to in this BBC report.

Have you ever dined alone?  Was it out of choice or necessity?  Did you feel stigmatised or traumatised?

Tired Of Being Single? the ad said, yes I thought and bought the book.

And I read most of it open-mouthed in disbelief.

First of all, the subtitle is 'Become The Woman Every Man Wants'.  Why?  What is wrong with being me?

I am supposed to stop fearing being single.  I am 43 years old and have never had a relationship, I think I have passed being scared about being single.

And apparently I am embarrassed, ashamed and afraid of being single.  I am embarrassed by several things, but being single is not one of them.  I am (slightly) ashamed of being a Cliff Richard fan, but not of being single.  I am afraid of frogs, but not of being single.

I am supposed to date several men at once, the one that REALLY wants me will make the effort to let me know.  Seriously, if I could get ONE bloke who wasn't involved in a murder investigation or a Crimewatch Most Wanted List to go on a date with me would I have really have bought this book?

Why should I have to change myself to attract a man?  I have tried that in the past, and spent £000s doing it, all to no available. Why am I not good enough as I am?

Yes I am overweight, and yes I am not particularly attractive, but and it is a big but(t), I work full time, I hold a responsible job. 

I am currently studying to become a qualified accountant (whilst I am working full time), I can cook, I can clean, I can perform basic car maintenance, I don't tend to panic without good reason.  

I see myself as like Chummy (from Call The Midwife), ungainly, a bit shy but very capable, in fact, if I had been around in those days I probably would have been in demand.  

But, both fortunately and unfortunately, it is not the 40s/50s and as far as I can see, men are looking for something that I do not have and no amount of books will help that so I don't know where to go from now on.

All I know is that I do not want to spend another Christmas/New Year/Birthday as a single person.

The Pros and Cons of being Single at Christmas.

I'm feeling a bit (more) fed up (than usual) at the minute, so to cheer myself up I started to list the pros of being single at this family oriented time of the year, then added the cons to make sure I was still ahead.

So here goes

Pros

• I don't have to worry about the cost of Christmas
• I don't have to think about what to buy people
• I don't have the last minute 'did I get the right thing/enough stuff' panic
• I don't have to decide whose house to go to for dinner
• I don't have to put a tree up because there is no-one to see it
• I don't have to share the chocolates with anyone

Cons

• I don't have anyone's face to watch when they open their gifts
• I don't have anyone to cuddle up with after a hard day's preparation
• I don't have a smiling face to wake up to
• I don't have anyone to share the chocolates with
• I don't have anyone to go for a cheeky drink with whilst doing the shopping

I am hoping next year that I won't have to worry about being single for Christmas, but then again I said that last year.  

So, everyone out there who does have someone to spend Christmas with, enjoy yourselves and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.

Christmas, Love it or Loathe it?

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...

And I am getting grumpy.

I am not a fan of Christmas and haven't been for years.  I loved it as a child, making paper chains, covering the house, and the dog, in glitter, glitter which you were still emptying out of the vacuum cleaner at Easter, putting the tree up, putting the cards up, I even enjoyed wrapping presents.

But as I got older I started enjoying it less and less.  And any enjoyment I still had was knocked out of me by four Christmases working in retail.

As I was single and childless, I was obviously available to do every late night.  Occasionally, the late nights were planned ahead, but a lot of the time we would be informed on the 5pm regional conference call that we had to stay open until 10pm because M&S were, or Next were.  A 10pm close meant the earliest we would be out would be 10.30pm.  Being a manager I was paid for 40 hours regardless of whether I worked 40 hours or 140 hours.

Because of the hours I was working in the run up to Christmas culminating in a late night finish Christmas Eve to get ready for the Boxing Day sale, and an extra early start Boxing Day, I used to spend most of Christmas Day asleep, going to Mum and Dad's to open presents and eat lunch and then back home again. 

Mum and Dad started going to Germany for Christmas and did this for a couple of years.  The first year I spent Christmas Day with a pizza and the telly, the next year I went to a friend's house.  

I have been away for Christmas too, but I went to Spain, but it really is expensive to go.

There are adverts every Christmas reminding us to think of the old people whose only company will be the television, it's not only the older generation who can be alone.  In the past I have gone nearly a fortnight without speaking to anyone.  This was after I had been made redundant, Mum and Dad had gone on holiday on the Saturday, I had to attend the Job Centre on the Monday and I didn't see or speak to anyone then until Mum and Dad got back.

Even now, other than work and college I don't see anyone other than a couple of times a year.

I do think Christmas is for families and groups.  As a single person you do feel very left out.  I said last year that I did not want to spend this Christmas as a single person like I have all my previous 41 Christmases and New Years.  But I am.

I have volunteered to work this year, if I am going to be alone, I may as well be alone in the office using their heating and lighting as using mine!