Being myself again.

After five years or so of trying to be someone else I am slowly rediscovering the real me again.

I was trying to reinvent myself to become the perfect woman for the object of my desire, trying to mold myself according to his current tastes (I did draw the line at some things).

I already had tattoos but I had more, I had body piercings.  I started dressing in more revealing clothes.

None of it worked.

But I have noticed that recently I am dressing much more like I used to, when I just dressed for me.  Skinny black jeans, band tees, chunky boots and hoodies.  Not much I can do about the tattoos but I am happy enough with the ones I have.  One of the piercings has been removed, the other one will probably come out soon too, it has probably only lasted this long as I often forget about it.

I am still making regular trips to the hairdressers and I am still having my eyebrows threaded but that is because I think it looks better.

Outside of work, black is becoming the main focus of my wardrobe again with the occasional purple garment.  I am still buying other colours, for example, blue jeans and dark blue tops, my 'summer wardrobe'.

I am dyeing my hair again, I have dusted off my box of nail varnishes.  I am feeling better.

Funnily enough, whilst I was spending so much time and money to resemble the string of girlfriends, the latest, and longest serving, seemed to be copying me!  

I got an asymmetric haircut, a couple of months later so did she.

I started a training course for a professional qualification, so did she.

When I started a second training course, so did she.

I set up an account with a particular social network, so did she.

And the list goes on.

I am still waiting for the blog, but it just may have not come to my attention yet.

I may spend the rest of my life single, but at least I will be being myself.