I want sex.

There, I've said it.

It's a topic I have not discussed before in case family should read this blog, but do you know what, I am over the age of consent (just about) so why not?

Due to my upbringing and the warnings of dire consequences should I become pregnant whilst still living at home I was late to the delights, or otherwise, of sex, not losing my virginity until I was 40 years of age.

It was when I had made the decision to lose my virginity, and thought I had found the right man to lose it to, which in a way I did, that I discovered that I suffered from Vaginismus (see, the floodgates are open now). We were able to discuss ways round this.

Having completed some research with the help of good old Google, I purchased some dilators (I went for the plastic rather than glass, I just had visions of the glass ones shattering *shudder*).  After several weeks of working through the various sizes of dilators I was finally ready and the deed was done.

I am glad that I lost my virginity to the man that I did, we had been friends for a long time and I felt very comfortable discussing my issues with him, he was very helpful with his ideas and suggestions.  However, the sex did not satisfy me even with a variety of techniques, positions and even locations. I do put this down, at least in part, to the Depo-Provera injections I have.  Again thanks to Google I have discovered that this drug is used as a chemical castration in the USA.

We have since lost touch and I lost all interest in sex and have not given it another thought for the last 18 months or so.  One of the side effects of my anti-depressants is a lack of sexual interest, as I have had no interest I did not give this a second thought, how can something reduce interest in something I have no interest in in the first place? 

However, today I was sat in my hotel room reading and watching the rain coming down when the couple in the next room found their own way of passing the time, and they weren't going about it quietly.  And I realised that for the first time in a long time I wanted sex!

I am not the sort of person who could just pick up a random bloke in a bar, it is not how I have been brought up, plus due to my Vaginismus I need a good 3 weeks notice of sex to prepare myself, at least until it becomes a regular event, as my muscles repair themselves and tighten up.  But I now have to accept that this feeling may be something that may well rear its ugly head, in a manner of speaking, now and then.

So there we go, another revelation of this holiday.