This week I discovered that my line manager is pregnant, and I have to admit that the green-eyed monster did make an appearance for a while. This was quickly replaced by concern over who was going to be managing me whilst she is off!
Friday was a quiet day at work, quiet in that there were 4 people off, it was certainly not quiet in the work load seeing as it appeared to be me picking up most of the slack, but at least the day went fast.
Saturday I was hoping to go and look at a few cars but unfortunately the online banking site I use was down so I couldn't transfer the money from my savings account. I was hoping to do a cash and drive away deal so that will be next weekend now as it is still too dark to look at cars after work.
I also had my eyes tested this weekend, and once again my prescription stayed the same, there was a slight change in my requirements for reading but thankfully not enough to warrant bifocals. I do have to take my glasses off to read very small print but the optician says that this is an age thing and whilst I am happy to do so then there is no need for reading glasses.
Apparently I have a weakness in my right eye muscle which has never been pointed out before which has always been my weaker eye vision-wise. When I look up and to the right both eyes move together, but looking up and to the left after a certain point my right eye goes off on its own and starts looking to the right!
Because I have had these glasses for several years now I had promised myself new ones even if my prescription hadn't changed so £310 later I have ordered two pairs, one Morgan, the other Fendi,
both with ultra thin lenses, they should be ready in a week or so.
It is the first weighin on Tuesday for our weightloss group at work, after the last few days I have had I will be pleased if I haven't gained!
OK, that may be a slight exaggeration but I have at least two friends who are currently pregnant. I have had some time out of the office recently and everywhere I go there are pregnant women too.
When I was younger, relationships and children never featured in my 'life plan'. As I've mentioned before dire warnings from my parents about pregnancy whilst still living at home made me make myself as unattractive to the opposite sex as I could as I had wound myself up until I was under the impression that even a male looking at me could make me pregnant.
So I shut off that part of the brain that encompasses motherhood and reproduction.
But as I have got older so my desire to have a child has increased to the point it has almost become a need.
I know I could go to a sperm bank, I assume that they are available to all I have never checked, I may have just been watching too many American tv shows, but I am old fashioned. I believe that a child should have both parents living in the same house at least, even if they aren't married. I cringe when I hear how casually some young people tell others that their child is at his or hers Dad's house for the weekend as though that is how it should be.
At the age of 42 I have to be realistic and accept that I am never going to be a Mum, I am never going to have something so small and helpless depending on me for everything. I am never going to have someone to mould to the best of myself and his or her Dad. No tiny knees to stick plasters on when they fall over. No stick people drawings to display on the fridge.
I don't know whether I would make a good mother, but I am guessing I will never find out.
