Saturday, 1 August 2015

I'm not having a good day.

It's been a while since I mentioned my depression, or at least I think it has.  But today has not been a good day.

I did not sleep well, waking up every hour or so until midnight, which was when I received a text with my exam results (we have to wait almost 2 months for the results so why they have to be sent out at midnight I don't know, another few hours wouldn't hurt), at 6am I gave up but felt more drained than I did when I went to bed.  I failed, by the way, but this was not unexpected.

I dragged myself out of bed and went to do the 'big shop', I had decided to try a different store today and it really threw me off my shopping stride - I seemed to buy half as much as usual, but paid twice as much.

The rest of the day has been a bit of a blur.

I have managed to wash my work clothes but nothing else.

I wanted to sort out the downstairs cupboard/junk room.  I haven't.

I should have gone and collected my prescription.  I haven't.

I needed to go to the bank.  I haven't.

I haven't attended to my vegetable patch for weeks.

All I have wanted to do today is sleep or eat or read or gamble or drink.

This may be a reaction to everything going on at work at the moment, or it could just be an escalation of my usual summer blues, or it could be a mixture of both, but I don't like it.

I want to go to bed and not get up.

I want to run away and not come back.

I just don't want to be here.  Alone.

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