Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Maybe I do have personality problems.

A few months back I posted about Psychopathy and wondered if I maybe had psychopathic tendencies.  At the time it was said as a joke, but I am wondering more and more whether I do actually have issues.

If I read about someone else's problems I often think 'so what?'  I don't mean really serious problems or illnesses, I'm not that much of a bitch, but when people have had things going their way and then suddenly they don't I feel a bit too much joy.

I have suffered with depression for over 10 years, most of those spent trying to self-treat, but I always held down a job so when I read that people are 'too depressed to work' but not too depressed to go out every day with friends, or not too depressed to get pregnant, or not too depressed to go on holiday (that's another annoyance, if you never work, why do you need, and how can you afford, a holiday?), I get very angry with them.

When people claim they have no friends, and no money, and no-one to help with anything, then in their next breath are talking about their 'very good friends' and spending money on unnecessary things I get very angry.

When people announce they are pregnant, I get intensely jealous.

When I am feeling particularly low, and post or say something on one of my substitute friends (also known as facebook and twitter) and I get ignored, fair enough I am used to being ignored, but when someone else posts almost exactly the same thing and gets replies offering hope, help and companionship, I get very angry.

On the rare occasion that someone does say something nice to me, I can't cope and tend to dissolve into floods of tears.  If someone is shouting at me or telling me how useless I am, I just stand there and take it, no problem.

I don't find things funny that everyone else seems to.

I hate change that affects me.  

Little things that others ignore annoy me.

The recent tragedies in Glasgow and Cairns have left me unmoved, I'm not personally affected so therefore they are off my emotional radar.  And yet I donate to animal charities on an almost monthly basis and abused animals leave me in tears.  When I see that a pet has been stolen I am in tears.  When I see an old animal I am in tears.

Am I normal?  Is there something missing or not firing properly in my brain?  Should I try and get counselling?

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