Tuesday, 23 December 2014

My 'Ah ha' moment.

My 'ah ha' moment is not a positive one.  What a surprise, I hear you all cry.

For 30-something years, I knew I was single because I was fat and ugly and weirdly, this gave me confidence.  I knew that being fat and ugly made me invisible and that I could go where I wanted and no-one would see me, I joked that it was my 'cloak of invisibility' and I had mine before Harry Potter had even been thought of.

My 'ah ha' moment came about 7 years ago when I fell victim to a PUA student.

Despite just using me for fun, he did open my eyes and make me look at myself properly.

I realised that I wasn't the fattest woman out there.

I realised that I wasn't the worst looking woman out there.

But instead of this being a positive step it made me start wondering what it was that was so awful about me that I was still invisible to men.

I plucked up the courage to ask the cause of all this turmoil what was so wrong with me, but he just shrugged.

I turned inwards to try and answer this question.  I stopped going out, not that I went out a lot before, after all, it was obviously an act of cruelty to impose this on the world.

I still don't know the answer.

Although if someone did appear to be taking an interest, I would probably just assume that they were also making fun of me.

1 comment: