I am dieting. Again.

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed I have a new widget.  It is just down there, on the right.  It is currently informing everyone that I have lost zero pounds.

A couple of years ago I lost 35lbs with the help of WeightWatchers Online, although I had tried, and failed, WeightWatchers several times previously this time it really clicked and just seemed so easy.  I then changed jobs and had access to vending machines and a cafe, we also used to order breakfasts in most mornings.  Very often we would go to the pub on a Friday lunchtime.  Needless to say I put 14lbs back on within weeks and since then have slowly put on another 7lbs, give or take.

I tried getting back into WeightWatchers but just couldn't do it, I tried attending meetings but being of a contrary nature these meetings just made me see how much I could eat without putting weight on, this wasn't done deliberately, but that is how my mind works.

I then tried Slimming World, wasn't entirely convinced about this as having followed WW for so long I couldn't get my head round eating potatoes and not having to count points.  I lost 4lbs in the first week, I think that was body just going into shock,  I could almost see the shock on my stomach's face as the first potato hit it!  I attended for 2 months and did not lose even half a stone.

I bought an exercise DVD (detailed in a previous post) that promised a decent loss with just 20 minutes per day.  I thought I would be able to do 20 minutes every day, but I got bored so the DVD is gathering dust under the telly along with the mat and weights I bought to go with it.

I have now invested in a SlimPod, mp3s of 10 minutes duration, which, I am assured, will make me change the way I feel about food and myself.  I have gone for a double pack, which gives better value for money, containing Drop 2 Jeans Sizes (there was another entitled Drop 2 Dress Sizes but as I don't wear dresses but live in jeans I felt I could relate to this one better) and Make Fitness Fun.  I will also receive daily motivational emails.

I will chart my weightloss in the aforementioned widget, and update as I go along in my blog. Maybe this time it will work.

Date? Me? No, I can't remove this darn Invisibility Cloak

A few years ago I decided it was time I started dating, I hadn't bothered before as I knew I was single because I knew I was fat and ugly.  Weirdly, knowing this gave me confidence, knowing that I could move amongst other people almost invisibly.  I enjoyed sitting in a pub by myself with a book, a newspaper or just people watching.  I would go for meal by myself.  I would happily go on days out, weekends away, weeks abroad thoroughly enjoying my own company.  I used to laugh at people who needed other people around them, or who couldn't go anywhere by themselves.

Then everything changed, I suddenly became aware that looks and body shape did not seem to be a hurdle to anyone else.  I then realised that there must be something more wrong with me than just looks and size but I didn't know what it was.  All I know is that thinking about it completely killed my confidence.  I went from a happy outgoing woman, who whilst spending at least 90% of her non-working hours alone, was never lonely to someone who was a virtual shut in, only leaving the house to go to work and college.  After all, why would I want to inflict my hideous being on anyone?

I realised too late that shutting myself away was not good for me but I didn't have the confidence to go out by myself, as I used to do, and speak to people so I decided to give internet dating a try.  I thought it might be easier to get to know someone online before we actually met.  I knew that I would have to be careful, I knew that I might not be talking to the person I thought I was but I went into it with my eyes wide open.

I tried all the genuinely free dating sites first, but no-one caught my eye, I was not looking for gorgeous but I needed something to catch my eye and make me want to know more, it could be something in the photo or something in their 'blurb'.  I did send a few tentative messages but had no replies.  The only men contacting me were, at the risk of sounding a complete snob, just not my sort.

I then moved on to the sites who claim to be free, but actually are fee charging if you want to make contact with anyone or reply to any messages.  Again, no-one really caught my eye, certainly not enough to pay for.

About this time, eHarmony were holding one of their 'free contact' weekends so I thought I would give it a go.  As they proclaim to scientifically match people I thought I would give it a go.

There is a very detailed questionnaire to complete, it is a mixture of multiple choice questions, some wit wordy answers, others with pictures.  I spent a good 30 minutes working my way through the questionnaire so that eHarmony could assess my personality.  A short while later I received a report or 'Personality Profile'.  As it was about 6 pages long I am posting below some of the bullet points they included..

You Are Best Described As:

Taking care of others and taking care of yourself
Sometimes curious, sometimes content
Steady
Flexible
Reserved

Words That Describe You:
Thoughtful
Modest
Reflective
Private
Introverted
Careful
Restrained
Meditative
Spontaneous
Intuitive
Perceptive
Natural
Somewhat Disorganised
Unpredictable At Times
Relaxed
Even
Unwavering
Constant
Certain
Together
Cool
Detached
Tranquil
Accepting
Flexible
Educated
Self-aware
Middle-of-the-road
Proper
Distinctive
Indecisive
Adaptable
Fair
Considered
Collaborative
Responsive
Sensible
Diplomatic
Contemplative
Indulgent
Rational

Not a bad mix as far as I could see, a good balance of positive and negative, after all we are not all perfect despite what some people seem to think.  I felt that this was a positive step for me in turning my life around and was looking forward to seeing who I would be matched with.

However this is the response I received....

"We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you.

eHarmony's patented matching system was developed after extensive research into marital satisfaction. We use each person's responses to our Relationship Questionnaire to predict the pairings of individuals that are highly likely to result in satisfying long-term relationships, based on what we learned through our research.

Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects on you as a person or your ability to be in a happy relationship.

We apologise and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights.

We wish you all the best in your search for that special someone."

When you are told by a dating agency that you are unmatchable you really do know that there is no point worrying about dating and that I should just accept that I will always be single.  After all, I have spent the last 42 years as a single person, I am sure I can cope with a few more.

Sunday Night Mash-Up

I wasn't going to post tonight, but I have so much running through my head I need to get it out otherwise I won't sleep.

There is no particular theme for tonight, it is just going to be a selection of ramblings.

This morning I played host to the snoriest dog ever, Bess, she spent half an hour dashing round the garden in all the rain, sleet, snow and all the other weather we have had today, trailing mud in and out of the kitchen, came back inside, had a cup of tea and then fell asleep.  I was sitting on the settee reading the paper when I became aware of a noise.  It was Bess snoring!

Bess on a warmer day than today!

This afternoon I have done some more study and have pretty much completed my assessment.  I decided to scan the current version as it needs to be emailed to my training provider Wednesday morning at the latest, I still have two evenings to tweak it but at least I have a version that is ready to go.  I am not expecting to pass this assessment, I am merely using it to ascertain the areas I need to focus on in the coming weeks.  We have another assessment nearer the exam date, that is the one that I need to make sure I can pass.

Scanning the document was not fun.  After my comment yesterday that the printer was behaving itself it made up for it today.  It is actually a printer/scanner/copier all-in-one unit but to get it to scan I had to un-install and re-install it as I kept getting pop-up warnings telling me that it was in use by another program.  But after much muttering to myself I got there.

Afterwards I had another trawl through eBay searching for more fancy dress outfits.  I now have almost a complete Roger Taylor schoolgirl outfit, I have currently got a bid in on a blouse and I need plimsolls, but otherwise I am sorted.  As for the 70s night, I found a white outfit very much like the one that Muriel wears when she does her Abba tribute in Muriel's Wedding (if you've not seen the film, you must), but as I am on the larger size I am a bit wary, that's beside the fact that I could get a white outfit dirty in a sealed clean room, let alone in a bar!  Plus it is a jumpsuit type affair so after a few pints the likelihood is I will get my hair off with having to get undressed every time I need to go to the toilet.

Muriel's Wedding - 1994

I have put a bid in on a pair of white platform boots just in case.

Whilst I was studying I had my ipod on random, I need a certain amount of noise around me, I can't even fall asleep if it is too quiet.  Annoyingly some noises make me fall asleep easier than others, I cannot get through a Grand Prix on the telly as engine noise makes me fall asleep, if I am a passenger in a car I can be asleep before I get to the end of the road.  But it was at this point the Rocky Horror Picture Show theme started playing.  Now a couple of years ago, the theme for an event I went to was Rocky Horror, so myself and my friend went as Riff-Raff and Magenta, this year, PING went the lightbulb - Brad and Janet!!

Brad & Janet - Rocky Horror Picture Show 1975

But we shall have to see.  Since then, I don't know whether it is because I am exercising my brain with all my studies, but 70s themed ideas keep popping into my head.  But with less than 5 weeks to go, I really am going to have to make a decision soon.

BEWARE - Low Flying Laptops.

Today I decided that I really should do some homestudy.

To be honest, I had never planned to do any during the week, as I am having to work extra hours to make up for the time I am having off to follow this work pushed qualification by the time I get home I really can't face any study.  I am up at 5am, out the door at 6.40am which, this week, has meant that I have arrived at work between 7.45 and 8.25am, leaving work at 4.30 gets me home between 5.50 and 6.30pm.  If I had a car things would be so much easier as it would take me about 15-20 minutes each way.  But I digress.

My plan today was to get the housework and shopping done in the morning so that it was out of the way and not peering over my shoulder all afternoon.  My washing machine was to be the indicator of my breaks, a load takes about one and half to two hours which is a nice length for a study session, my break would then be to empty and refill the machine.

That was the plan.

Having put the first load into the washing machine, I took my flask of coffee (yes, I know) up to my study area aka the box room.

Now my laptop and printer are really on their way out, I coaxed them through 3 years of AAT but I am not sure how much longer they will last but unfortunately with the amount that I am having to put away each month to pay for the course I have no idea how I am going to afford replacements. But again, I digress.

I switched everything on and logged onto the website of my training provider.  This is where it all started going wrong.  Now, I don't know if it was the website or just that the laptop could not cope with the size of the website but my laptop froze.  The mouse would not work, the keys would not work so I couldn't shut down from the windows menu nor ALT-CTRL-DEL so had to hold down the power button.

I then rebooted, but as the laptop had not been shut down correctly I had to wait for it to go through all the checks.  This happened twice.  I had to do a complete back-up and then delete a load of files which I will need to upload again one day.

My study area

Eventually I made it through the website and found the download I needed for the interim assessment I needed to complete.  The next hurdle was printing it.

A year or so ago, my printer had a complete meltdown and would not do anything and eventually I had to uninstall it.  When I tried to reinstall it I could not find the installation disc so had to download the driver and installation software from the web.  Because my printer was a few years old, the download was for a later version of the model which evidently had a display screen on the control panel so everything I attempt to do now is accompanied by the pop-up message 'Please check display'. I can't check the display, I haven't got one.  Printing a single sheet of paper takes 3 sheets and about 15 minutes.  Plus for some reason the printer will not work if it has more than 4 sheets of paper in the feeder. I was not looking forward to printing off 16 sheets of paper.

But the printer worked without a hitch! (Now I have jinxed it). It may have heard me threatening the laptop that it was going out the nearest window on more than one occasion during the afternoon.

By this time I could hear the washing machine going into the throws of its final spin, so my first study session was coming to an end.  Ninety minutes plus and all I had done was print off the assessment.  

It is now 8pm and I am only half way through the assessment but I am done for the day.  I have a bottle of wine and some chocolate cake with my name on in the fridge so I will continue tomorrow. Hopefully with more luck than I have had today.

An Interlude... but not in Constantinople.

I have four fancy dress events coming up in the next few months and I have no idea what to wear.  I am terrible with fancy dress outfits, I usually change my mind 5 or 6 times for each event and so have a plastic crate full of part completed costumes in the box room.

The first event is themed 'The Seventies', now in my opinion this is far too broad of a scope, especially for my indecisive brain.  I have managed to get hold of an original seventies skirt and top set, it is blue speckly stripes, if you lived through the seventies you will know exactly what I mean, a pair of cork wedges and some American Tan tights.  But I am not happy.  I don't know exactly what I want to wear I just know I am not happy with my current outfit.

The second event is themed 'Queen', that's Queen the band, not her Maj.  Again a very broad scope. First idea was to go as someone in the crowd at Knebworth or Wembley, (jeans & tshirt) but decided that I really should put more effort into it.  Second idea was to go as Brian May in the I Want To Break Free video (pink nightie, curlers, bunny slippers) but I couldn't find a nightie that looked just right so that was that idea out of the window (if I am going to do something I have to do it right).  So am now looking at Roger Taylor, and who wouldn't, in a schoolgirl outfit and so far have the skirt and boater.  But I still have time to change my mind.  Again.

The third event is unthemed. Nightmare!  It is also in Spain so whatever I decide to wear has to be practical and not take up too much space in a suitcase.  The pub where the party is being held is called Alcatraz so have settled, at least for now, on a prison themed outfit.  I have ordered three.  The first one arrived today.  It is a fluorescent orange zip up dress, with GUILTY printed on the back and a prison number on the front, it comes with a black belt and handcuffs.  It's a no-go.  Far too baggy on the top half and non-existent on the bottom half.  I knew it was going to be short, however I did expect it to cover my bottom..  Will work with leggings as a last resort.

This is not me, as much as I would like to say it is.

I also have on order two black and white striped outfits.  The first is a dress and hat, but I am guessing I will have the same issues with the length as the one that arrived today,  the second is a stripey tshirt and trousers and I have a feeling that this is the one I will end up in.  

Finally, I have a Ghostbusters themed party.  I did have an idea for this one,  a little bit out of the box and unlikely to be copied.  I was going to go as Columbia, from the film company logo, but then thought 'white dress', 'lots of alcohol' and decided against it.  So once again I am stumped.  And again it needs to be easy to transport as I have a 7 hour train journey to get to the party.

The first party is in 5 weeks, so I really need to make a decision.

Time for an update.

Well Dear Readers, it has been over a month since my last missive, but I have great news to impart!

But first, a small recap.  I started in my current position in February 2012, at the time I was studying for my AAT qualification and from day one was encouraged to continue with my studies once I had passed by moving onto either CIMA or ACCA.

In December I received confirmation that I had passed my final AAT exam and was therefore AAT qualified.  I informed my Department Manager who congratulated me and then told me to think about further studies over the Christmas break, this I did and decided that I would study CIMA.

As my employers were going to be part funding my studies I made enquiries with training providers to find out costs and dates and passed all the info on to my manager. And waited. And waited

And so on to my news.

I have finally received confirmation of my funding.  Unfortunately this was a month past the registration deadline for CIMA so I made the decision to switch to ACCA.  Again, training providers were contacted and costs and dates checked out and decisions about modules and training types made.  The training provider would invoice my employers directly, and they in turn, would deduct my contribution from my wages.

However, also in my office, I have a colleague who is a band higher than me and therefore earning more money than me who is still only part way through their AAT and our manager was able to negotiate a free course for them to complete it (approximately another 18 months worth of training and exams) so it will not cost them a penny! But I'm not bitter.

So I started my training last Sunday with a full day of F8 International Auditing.  Being in class on a Sunday did take a bit of getting used to, especially the bit about having to get out of bed at the time I would have been getting INTO bed 20 years ago or so.  I was then back in work for two days and then back training, this time F6 Tax, for three days.

As I have my AAT qualification, I only have to sit 11 of the 14 ACCA exams to obtain my qualification, I am exempted from the Foundation level exams, however I do have to pay for the privilege of NOT sitting them, this cost is not included in the work's funding, neither is the cost of my subscriptions nor any resits.

These are the materials for just one of the 11 exams that I am sitting.

As well as part funding my costs, my employers are giving me half the time I need for my studies too, in other words, for every day that I have to attend training, I only have to make half a day up in extra hours.  As I am studying partly in the week and partly at weekends, I only have to make up 3 days for these first two modules that I am studying, for future modules I may try and do more weekends, that way I won't have to do so many extra hours at work.

But having said all that, I am actually enjoying myself.  Scared at the amount of knowledge that I am going to have to absorb for my exams, but I just need to apply myself.  The exams are all 3 hours long (plus reading time) and I 'only' need to score 50% to pass each of them.

I am not back into training now until Sunday 24th March, so plenty of time to get through the mountains of homework, online tests and interim assessments that I have to do!

A change of pace, something to do whilst I am waiting for CIMA

As I seem to have some spare hours in the day now I decided that I would try and get fit, try being the word.  I had previously lost 35lbs with WeightWatchers Online but put 14 of those back on when I changed jobs.  I have since tried Slimming World but that was unsuccessful.

So I realised that exercise (bleurghhhh) was the only was I was going to lose any weight and get fitter.  I downloaded a couch to 5k training programme to my phone but didn't keep up with it, due to sheer embarrassment at anyone seeing me trying to jog for 60 seconds and fail, badly, I would only go out at 5am.  Unsurprisingly I did not keep this up.  I also found it really boring which did not help.

I have now purchased Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.  It's 20 minutes a session (not long enough to get bored) and can be done in the privacy of my own home, which  means no-one can see me flailing about.

There are three levels each containing three 6 minute circuits - 3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio and 1 minute abs - by the end of the second circuit my lungs were screaming during the cardio, the strength work I wasn't finding too bad and I struggled with the abs, I've always had a weak back and have never been able to do sit-ups and crunches properly but hopefully this will change.  I was sweating loads by the end of the 20 minutes and my windows were all steamed up so I obviously generated some heat.  This morning I didn't feel too bad, until I tried going up and downstairs, I must have worked my thigh muscles more than the others.

I am just about to do day 2, I am posting before as I may not be capable afterwards.  I am trying to add a ticker to the blog to chart my weightloss progress, I hope it works.