I am sensitive to perfume, yes, yet another chapter in my myriad of issues.
The perfume doesn't have to be strong, I don't even have to be able to smell it my nervous system will be reacting like Usain Bolt reacting to a starting pistol.
Like some of the issues caused by my depression, I struggle to get people to understand the problem of perfume sensitivity, they all seem to think that if I am not in the room when they spray, then I can't possibly be affected. Yes, spraying aerosols make me cough, but they don't necessarily cause any further reaction, unless it is Lynx which I think could possibly be used as a paint stripper and seems to affect everyone except the wearer.
I have blacked out because of the pain a perfume caused me, it was only for a second, no more than a couple, but long enough to come back to a sea of concerned faces, one of which was the perfume wearer which didn't help. After this, despite the staff entrance being out of sight of the office, I knew exactly when the she had arrived thanks to a stabbing pain in my head, this would be followed by a waft of perfume and later still, a cherry hello as the wearer arrived at her desk. I had started to build up a tolerance by the time she stopped wearing it.
I went on holiday with a friend one year who wanted to buy some aftershave for his son, he knew about my sensitivity so sent me to look at the alcohol at the other end of the shop, he promised me that he wouldn't spray anything. When he reappeared, not having bought anything, I had stabbing pains immediately, and apparently my eyes sunk back into my head, my under eyes turned black and he was horrified. He thought that as I hadn't seen him spray the aftershave, and he had then washed his hands I wouldn't know.
What he didn't realise was that he had washed off the carrier, but not the fragrance.
Our office cleaner is a lovely women, but her perfume sends me reeling, worse still, she is an Avon lady and leaves her books in the office so we can place orders. There are perfume swatches in them that you can rub to release the fragrance, and again, people think that because they are not spraying anything than I cannot be affected. But rubbing the page sends the perfume into the air and I react.
I have to be careful with shampoo and shower gel, I have used Head & Shoulders for as long as I can remember as it does not affect me, I have lost track of how many other brands I have bought and had to throw away after one use.
It is yet another thing which is not fun, but which has to be dealt with on a daily basis.
Bit of a silly post today as I am obviously in an upswing.
As regular readers know, I have issues with meeting people and also leaving the house, the two together are not conducive to meeting someone.
However, when I am away from home I am a different person, more happy, more confident, more outgoing. And this is when I also more open to getting out and meeting someone, which is a bit silly when you are thousands of miles from home.
So I need someone to set up a dating agency that you can join, whenever and wherever you are, to meet people who are local to your home address, after all, who wouldn't want a holiday romance to carry on if it could?
So, there we go, an opportunity for an enterprising soul.
I think there is, it certainly seems that way.
I enter a lot of competitions, I don't enter every one I find as I only enter ones that are relevant. There is no point in trying to win Afternoon Tea for 2 at xxxxx venue in London, as (1) there is only one of me, and (2) by the time I have paid for a return ticket to London I have probably paid out more than the prize is worth.
Similarly, there is no point in me trying to win a Spa Day for 2, or a catered night in for upto 8 friends. Up until recently I didn't enter any baby competitions, I do now as my boss is pregnant (she does do my annual appraisals after all).
I know there are people who enter every single competition they find, and that possibly goes some way to explain why they are more successful but I don't see the point.
I see the same names come up over and over again, and it does feel as though you have to be a member of a club, or as the title of this page suggests, if your name is not on the list, tough!
There was a period of a fair few months, when if there was a twitter retweet competition to win a dress I would know EXACTLY who was going to win, and 9 times of 10 they would. I currently follow someone on twitter, because if I know that they have entered a competition, then there is no point anyone else entering.
I see regular posts by fellow bloggers detailing their wins that month and as much as I try to stay positive I can't.
A month ago I booked a holiday, I wasn't going to go away this year as I have just saved up and bought a car but I gave in to a really good offer. The accommodation, flight, transfers and insurance is paid for, but I could do with a few new bits to take and some spending money, and I was determined that I was going to win at least something towards that, I know keeping positive is key.
To date, I have won absolutely nothing and my positivity is waning.
I need a boost.
I was supposed to be going out for a meal tonight, I didn't go. I just couldn't face it.
It was a joint leaving do for a few people at work, there are supposed to be 20plus people going so I won't be missed.
Some people feel confident when they look good, new dress, new hair, perfect make up. But that is not me, as long as I am showered, hair washed and brushed (I don't bother drying it, it will dry eventually) and I am wearing clean clothes I am good to go. I feel confident when I am happy and for the last two years I have been happy at work, I felt that I could do anything I wanted to.
But that has changed.
We have had an office move, and the team is now split.
I don't like it.
And because I don't like it, I am not happy.
And because I am not happy, I have lost all my confidence.
And because I have lost my confidence, I don't want to leave the house.
I don't seem to be able to make work colleagues understand the difficulties I face, any more than I can understand what it was like being pregnant at 16 as a colleague was.
So I am now sat on the settee wondering about the grief I will get back in the office for not going tonight.
So 'White Dee' from that wonderful television programme 'Benefits Street' is in Magaluf to host a party for fans of the show. To be a fan of the show I am guessing that you have to be claiming benefits, no right-minded working person could ever call themselves fans.
Apparently she is not being paid for this shindig, but hopefully, as she is out of the country and therefore unable to work, I assume that her benefits are being cancelled and that she will have to reapply on her return to the UK. (I know this is what happens as I was made redundant and had my benefits stopped for the week I spent in Spain, even though it had been booked 4 months before I had any inkling that I was being made redundant).
Apparently she cannot work because she is too depressed, obviously doesn't stop her going out and enjoying herself.
And she is not the only one.
I know someone who has not worked in all the years I have known them, apparently due to depression. However that depression has not stopped them going out drinking, partying and meeting up with friends to go shopping to spend their hard earned benefits. Although too depressed to work, they were able to meet someone and get pregnant. They are not too depressed to go on holiday (I still don't understand why you need a holiday when you don't work).
My depression affects me in the opposite way. I have always been able to get myself to work, apart from two periods of redundancy for which I received the absolute minimum in benefits (JSA and council tax paid), and the brief period which actually prompted me to seek help, but once I get home from work I struggle, and I mean really struggle, to leave the house.
I have lost count of the times I have gone to bed hungry, because although I could afford to buy food, buying food would mean having to leave the house.
Even now, after having my meds doubled, the only place I ever want to be is in bed, with the covers over my head.
I can count my non-work-related nights out over the last 5 years or so on one hand.
On an 'up' day, I have booked tickets for concerts, I have booked nights in hotels, all of which I have not turned up to as I just couldn't leave the house when the time came.
I think it says a lot about how you were brought up. I was brought up to just deal with things and get on with it.
There are some days when I wish that I hadn't.
Ok, so I am back and I appear to be back with a grump, so nothing has changed then!
Tomorrow is the start of the Live Below The Line Challenge. To raise poverty awareness, you can challenge yourself to live on £1 per day. I am sure the intentions behind are well meaning but until you ACTUALLY have to live on a tight budget you will never, ever do it.
A BBC journalist has taken the challenge, you can read their story here. Let's take a day at random and break it down.
Day 3 - Spent 94p
Today, while walking the dog in our local woods, my wife and I have a brainwave. The blackthorn is blooming, and everywhere bright green stinging nettles are pushing up through the undergrowth. It is the perfect time of year for nettle soup.
Not quite free food though: the recipe has potatoes, butter and cream. And you need plenty of patience to strip each plant of its leaves. With two slices of value bread and margarine to go with it, lunch comes in at a below-average 17p.
And with dinner of carrot, kidney bean and cumin burger, I can almost believe I am eating meat.
Carrot, kidney bean and cumin burgers
Ingredients Cost/serving Source
1/2 medium carrot 2p £0.49/6 Morrisons
1 small onion 1p £0.49/ 1kg Morrisons
2 sprigs coriander 1p £0.50/large bunch Tesco
1/2tsp ground cumin 1p £1.69/400g Tesco
1/4 can kidney beans 5p £0.21/ 400g Sainsburys
oil 1p £1.39/ litre Morrisons
1/2tbsp flour 1p £0.65/1.5kg Sainsburys
For garnish
2tbsp mayo 3p £1.40/730g Tesco
1/2 iceberg lettuce leaf 4p £0.89/ 1 Tesco
1tbsp mango chutney 3p Neesa £1/400g Asda
2 buns 20p £1.20/12 Tesco
Portion cost 42p
Now, if you add up the ingredients, yes, the serving costs 42p, however you cannot just buy 1/4 can kidney beans, you have to buy the full can, 21p. You cannot buy 1/2 tsp of ground cumin, you have to buy the bottle, £1.69.
This is ignoring the cost of travelling around all the different stores to buy the ingredients at their cheapest and the cost of cooking.
So to buy all the ingredients for this 42p per serving the meal has cost (excluding the things mentioned above) it would cost £9.91 which is fine if there are two of you and you are both happy to eat the same meal every day for five days, assuming you can eke it out to 5 days, and can live on 4.5p each for breakfast and lunch for 5 days (remember, it is a 5 day challenge at £1 per day, so 2 people for 5 days should cost no more than £10).
I have had to live on a budget, I was made redundant and only received £64 jobseekers allowance per week, out which I had to pay for my electric, my water rates, and everything else that you give no thought to when you have a wage coming in (my council tax was paid for me, whoopee!) and it was a struggle, but I did it and so do 100s of other people who suddenly find themselves out of work and non-qualifying for pretty much all of the benefits except the very minimum.
Hello all.
You will have noticed, I hope, that I have not posted for over a month and I feel I need to explain why.
I have not been in any sort of mental place to do so.
Every post I have tried to write has turned into an incoherent rant, I know that most of my posts tend to be a bit grumpy, but recently they have turned downright nasty and have therefore been deleted.
I do feel that I have turned a corner and I hope to be back soon!
